Blah, blah, blah

So, I was right to assume I would be going in the hospital. It turns out that I am sick, but not too sick. I called just in time. I am glad that I will get it over with in two weeks, so that I will be able to continue school online in the fall.

I got a PICC line in today, and that is always the scariest part of the whole stay. This last hospital stay in January, I went through a really bad experience with the PICC procedure. I didn't receive any kind of calming meds, so I was totally freaking out about it. I was so scared. I didn't get any pain medicine, so had to go through the needle sticks and pokes with nothing. I ended up with a total of seventeen holes from where they tried to thread a catheter type line in my vein.

This time, I specifically asked for some medicine, and was elated when I remember waking up this afternoon with the procedure already done. I have since told my doctor to write down exactly what he gave me because I slept through everything!

I am a little woozy still from the meds I got this morning, so I am going to have to lay down, otherwise I will take a header off the bed. That wouldn't be good. Can't wait to feel better though... <3

I must wish on a star that never shines...

So, it's been one month and eight days since I was at the doctor last. One month and eight days to start feeling bad again. Ugh. Why is CF so hard?

I hate this.
I hate the disease, I hate that there isn't a cure, I hate how I never know whether I will be feeling good or bad when I wake up in the morning. I hate how I can't go ten minutes without coughing. I hate how I feel like I can't breathe in enough air. I hate it. I hate it with every part of my being.

I just wished I was normal. I wished I could breathe. I wished I wasn't sick. I wish for a lot of things. I guess it's time to call the doctor and tell him to set me up an appointment. I guess it's time to pack my things for yet another hospital stay. I guess I need to prepare for the many needle sticks and pokes I will have to endure for the next two weeks. I guess I need to love up on my puppy as much as I can since I won't be able to see her for two weeks straight. I guess I need mentally memorize the feel of my own bed, the taste of homemade food, and the smell of home.

I get tired of this.

I'm just tired....

Doing pretty good!

Wow, I have just been thinking about how my doctor's appointment went... I thought for sure I was going to go in, but then I get there and I feel great! Why does this happen, I wondered? When I got through with my PFTs, I thought I did okay, but how do you really know if you do good until you get the results?

Some days that I thought I felt great and healthy (so to speak) I ended up in the hospital, while other days I know I felt like poo-poo (and probably looked like it too) that the doc couldn't stop talking about how much improved I was. It is always an unpredictable adventure when I go to the doctor. The only time I for sure knew I was going in the hospital was when I asked to go to the doctor. That is kind of what I want to talk about today...

Results of the Doctors Visit...

First of all, I would like to say a big "Thank you!" to J.R. who made my day when I read his comment! It made me feel good to know that someone cares for me out there! =)

Anyhoo, I went to the doctor yesterday, and thought for sure that I was going into the hospital. Again. Well.... I was wrong. My x-rays looked good, and my results for a test called a "spirometry" showed that my lung function has actually improved since January! They are not where they should be, but they are getting there!

Turns out, the reason I have been feeling yucky is because of allergies, and that is causing my asthma to really act up. So, more meds have been added to my already overflowing list, but hey, if it makes me feel better, I'll take it. I don't have to go back until August, so for the first time in 4 years I can stay home during the summer! Yay! God is good! I am setting a goal for even better lung function numbers in August, so maybe I will reach it!

I am finally out of school, and found out that I had A's and B's. This is after missing a month of school because I was in the hospital! I know I can do things that seem impossible, so... To beating CF, here I come!

Tired, but Thankful...

Today I am so thankful that school is almost over for the summer. It's not that I don't like school, it's just that I know that this summer is going to be crazy! Between hospital stays, job hunting, and just being sick, I kind of dread it. I am thinking about keeping this updated, and sharing with others, but I am not sure.

I am also thinking about everything in my life, and all that I am blessed with, and I am just so happy. No matter how hard I think life is, I still have a wonderful family, and that is something that is becoming more and more rare. I love that my parents let me stay with them, and stay with me when I go into the hospital. They don't have to do either one of those, but that's just the kind of people they are. I love my life right now. No matter how many times I cough, get sick, moan, groan, gripe, or just be plain annoying, they still are there for me. They know how hard my life gets, and they are there with me every step of the way.

Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with so many great things that I don't deserve.

Countdown to Summer!

Wow, I cannot believe that this semester is almost over! At first, it seemed like it was going to be forever until school was over for the summer! Now I am thinking, "Am I sure that I have done everything for school? Am I sure that the semester ends in two weeks? Did I do all of that work?" I keep thinking about how I came back from the hospital, and how hard I had to work to catch up.
I think about how much I had overcome, and I feel proud of myself. I think that just shows myself that I can overcome anything I set my mind to. If I am determined, I can do it. This made my self-esteem level go up!
I can't wait until summer, though! Except the fact that I have to go to the doctor on May 4th, so I am anxious about whether or not I will have to go back in the hospital or not... That is the only thing that I dread about the summer. I have spent every summer in the hospital since I hurt my knee in 2008. I am torn between wanting to go in, or wanting to stay home. If I don't go in, I will have to go back to the doctor in August, and if I go in then, I will miss some of the first of the semester! That would be terrible! I guess I am just going to have to pray about it, and trust God. I know whatever happens will be what is supposed to happen, and it happens for a reason.
I hope everyone is doing good, and I am glad that I got the chance to meet everyone of you!

New week...

Well, this week I have big plans for homework. I am doing pretty good so far, and already have one class done with! I am struggling with what to do my paper over though. I thought about CF, but I have done so many of those for high school, scholarships, and so many other writing prompts. I don't know about it...
My dad just started a new job, so things are pretty hectic because we are not used to the schedule he has. I really don't have much to say this week. I know that is kind of weird, huh? I thought so too. Well... I hope everyone is doing great, and I wish all of you the best!

Doing alright for now

So, this week has been very stressful! I had a doctors appointment on the sixth of April, but I can't do homework in the hospital. When I go into the hospital, I usually stay for at least two weeks. I am scared that I won't get to do homework because the internet connection won't let me log onto the school website. So...... I think I will reschedule my appointment for next month, so that I won't have to worry about getting behind in class. I just hope I don't get sick before then. I usually go into the hospital every April because allergy season is terrible during spring here in Oklahoma. Especially when every tree around is a pine. So everyone keep your fingers crossed for me, in hopes of me staying healthy enough to wait a month to see the doctor!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter! I did! I got to spend the weekend with my sister and her kids. It was wonderful. My dad also surprised me with a new puppy! He is a 6 week old border collie. He is so cute! I named him Pancho, and my nephew couldn't stop talking about him. I am pretty content with my life right now!

Waiting for next week...

Well, this week has been a long but short week. I really dislike those kinds... It seems like Monday was forever ago, but then again, it seems like it was yesterday. I am really looking forward to the break. My sister may come up for Easter, so I am really happy about that.

Wow, I feel like my brain isn't working right or something. I can't seem to get everything together to write this essay that is due on Monday! Does anyone else get that way?

I have to go to the doctor on April 6th, and I am having so much trouble keeping up the exercise and everything else to stay healthy. Exercise is what I am having trouble with the most. I can't seem to get motivated for it. I got so used to playing competitive basketball in high school that now nothing is fun anymore. I wished I could find something soon! I really don't want to go back into the hospital only after three months! Yikes! I hope everyone has a good weekend and break!

Slow Week...

Well, this week has gone by pretty slow it seems! My sister and the babies came up on Wednesday, and I was super happy to see them! She asked me to come stay with her for a week in Texas, which is about three hours away from my house, while her husband was gone. I think this would be really fun, but the only problem is... She doesn't have internet! Yikes! I don't know what to do about it. My aunt is visiting this weekend and I haven't seen her since last year. She also lives in Texas, and tries to come up on holidays, or when she gets off work on a weekend (which is rare). I am glad that I have the kind of family where seeing each other is mandatory almost. I don't know what I would do if I lived too far away from them. This week has been good, and slow, but I don't mind at all. I got to see the people that I love very much!

Missing my best friend...

I have actually not had a terribly bad week this week. Surprising I know! I did go to the eye doctor and told him about many headaches I have been having, and I learned that my vision was 20/200. He said that is about ten times worse than the average person. Yikes. I also found out that my nephew can make me cry! I was talking to him on the phone and he said, "Sissy, I want to be with you". He lives in another state, so I told him, "Bubba you have to have money to come see me". I heard him rustling around and then I heard my sister say," Brexton! Get out of my purse!" Turns out, he got into Linsy's wallet and got a twenty dollar bill and then told me, "I have money now, Sissy. I want to be where you are please!" I tried to explain to him why he couldn't and he just kept saying," But I love you Sissy. I want you, Sissy. Please please please let me see you Sissy. Please?" He started crying because my sister took the phone because he was going to keep talking until the battery died. It took all I had to tell him bye and that I would see him sometime soon. I heard him whining in the background when I was telling Linsy bye. He said, "Mama, I'm never going to see Sissy again." It tore my heart to pieces! I wanted to drive to Texas just to give him a hug! I miss that little boy when he isn't around me. Him and my niece, who just now is saying Sissy, are two things that keep me motivated. I don't know what I ever did without them! They have my heart! I hope that I will see them soon! I miss them terribly!

How Aggravating...

I just found out that I am out $1500 from the school. I got a scholarship for that much, but the check was "lost". Now I only got back a very small fraction of that from my Pell refund. I was hoping for more money for an eye appointment. I have been having problems with my eyes for a while now, and I know for a fact that I need more glasses or contacts. My two year old nephew, Brexton, and my one year old niece, Braylee, decided they wanted to look like Sissy and wear her glasses. Yeah, guess how that turned out. I'll give you a hint. I'm blind as a bat now. Jinkies when is this craziness going to end?!?

Too Much Sadness

This coming month marks the one year anniversary of my brother Lucas' death. It is not any easier to deal with than it has been. To add to the sadness, I found out about an hour ago that my seven year old cousin was in an ATV wreck. He didn't make it. This year has started out so badly. I thought new year=better year than the last. Well, it hasn't shown it. Everything is so sad nowadays... I just keep praying and hoping that everything will work out for the best... *Sigh*

Finally happy... For the moment...

I am so proud of myself! I made up all the work that I couldn't do because of family deaths. I am so relieved! Now all I worry about is, "Did I do a good enough job?". I want to do this. I want to be part of this class! I don't like being left behind! I am so happy and relieved though, that this week finally held nothing more than homework. Going to bed with aching fingers, wrists, neck, and back feels pretty darn good to me right now. At least I accomplished something that I have been wanting to do for a while. I have my fingers and toes crossed for good enough grades to keep me passing. I really want this to work out. I am so thankful for second chances.... Hope everyone is doing okay!

P.s.- Miranda, if you are reading this, I tried to comment on your post about being angry and frustrated, but it wouldn't let me! I just want to let you know that I know exactly what you are going through! I hope everything gets better for you! =)

Overwhelmed and Stressed OUT!!!

Oh my gracious. I am so overwhelmed and stressed right now. I feel like I can't get anything together. I am getting more depressed about everything. That is really not good for me, because that just invites viruses and sick germs to come to me. Too many family deaths, too much travel, too much, too much, too much!!!! BAH! I am seriously thinking I am on the verge of insanity. How much more of this can I take? *Sighs* I don't know. I just don't know.

Getting back into the groove

Okay, so now I have been home for two whole days. It's always hard to remember what to do when no one is bothering you every ten minutes, or when the food doesn't come at nine, two, and six o'clock exactly. Also the temptation of being lazy is always following me around. "Don't you want to just lay around? You're just too tired to do anything. Don't you want to just relax for a while?" These are some of the things floating around in my mind. Mostly during the first week I am home. I want to apologize to my fellow bloggers for not posting like I should. I hope that I didn't cause bad grades, and such. I promise to do my best to keep up with this!

Unlucky me!

Have you ever had three weeks worth of hospital food three times a day? Well, if you haven't, you are so lucky! I didn't think I was too sick, but I guess my body knows me better than I do. Doing nothing all day is very tiring. Knowing that my day consists of nurses, food service, housekeeping, and people coming in every ten minutes just makes me look forward to the day! Note the sarcasm in that last statement. I have been in the hospital for almost three weeks, and have not had very much time to do anything that I want. This is the reason that I am late on doing the blog. I really hope this next Tuesday I can go home, and be able to take a nap for an hour without anyone coming in "just checking" on me. Getting better is my number one priority though, and if it takes eating 63 meals for me to feel my best, then that is what needs to be done!