Blah, blah, blah

So, I was right to assume I would be going in the hospital. It turns out that I am sick, but not too sick. I called just in time. I am glad that I will get it over with in two weeks, so that I will be able to continue school online in the fall.

I got a PICC line in today, and that is always the scariest part of the whole stay. This last hospital stay in January, I went through a really bad experience with the PICC procedure. I didn't receive any kind of calming meds, so I was totally freaking out about it. I was so scared. I didn't get any pain medicine, so had to go through the needle sticks and pokes with nothing. I ended up with a total of seventeen holes from where they tried to thread a catheter type line in my vein.

This time, I specifically asked for some medicine, and was elated when I remember waking up this afternoon with the procedure already done. I have since told my doctor to write down exactly what he gave me because I slept through everything!

I am a little woozy still from the meds I got this morning, so I am going to have to lay down, otherwise I will take a header off the bed. That wouldn't be good. Can't wait to feel better though... <3

I must wish on a star that never shines...

So, it's been one month and eight days since I was at the doctor last. One month and eight days to start feeling bad again. Ugh. Why is CF so hard?

I hate this.
I hate the disease, I hate that there isn't a cure, I hate how I never know whether I will be feeling good or bad when I wake up in the morning. I hate how I can't go ten minutes without coughing. I hate how I feel like I can't breathe in enough air. I hate it. I hate it with every part of my being.

I just wished I was normal. I wished I could breathe. I wished I wasn't sick. I wish for a lot of things. I guess it's time to call the doctor and tell him to set me up an appointment. I guess it's time to pack my things for yet another hospital stay. I guess I need to prepare for the many needle sticks and pokes I will have to endure for the next two weeks. I guess I need to love up on my puppy as much as I can since I won't be able to see her for two weeks straight. I guess I need mentally memorize the feel of my own bed, the taste of homemade food, and the smell of home.

I get tired of this.

I'm just tired....

Doing pretty good!

Wow, I have just been thinking about how my doctor's appointment went... I thought for sure I was going to go in, but then I get there and I feel great! Why does this happen, I wondered? When I got through with my PFTs, I thought I did okay, but how do you really know if you do good until you get the results?

Some days that I thought I felt great and healthy (so to speak) I ended up in the hospital, while other days I know I felt like poo-poo (and probably looked like it too) that the doc couldn't stop talking about how much improved I was. It is always an unpredictable adventure when I go to the doctor. The only time I for sure knew I was going in the hospital was when I asked to go to the doctor. That is kind of what I want to talk about today...

Tired, but Thankful...

Today I am so thankful that school is almost over for the summer. It's not that I don't like school, it's just that I know that this summer is going to be crazy! Between hospital stays, job hunting, and just being sick, I kind of dread it. I am thinking about keeping this updated, and sharing with others, but I am not sure.

I am also thinking about everything in my life, and all that I am blessed with, and I am just so happy. No matter how hard I think life is, I still have a wonderful family, and that is something that is becoming more and more rare. I love that my parents let me stay with them, and stay with me when I go into the hospital. They don't have to do either one of those, but that's just the kind of people they are. I love my life right now. No matter how many times I cough, get sick, moan, groan, gripe, or just be plain annoying, they still are there for me. They know how hard my life gets, and they are there with me every step of the way.

Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with so many great things that I don't deserve.

Too Much Sadness

This coming month marks the one year anniversary of my brother Lucas' death. It is not any easier to deal with than it has been. To add to the sadness, I found out about an hour ago that my seven year old cousin was in an ATV wreck. He didn't make it. This year has started out so badly. I thought new year=better year than the last. Well, it hasn't shown it. Everything is so sad nowadays... I just keep praying and hoping that everything will work out for the best... *Sigh*

Overwhelmed and Stressed OUT!!!

Oh my gracious. I am so overwhelmed and stressed right now. I feel like I can't get anything together. I am getting more depressed about everything. That is really not good for me, because that just invites viruses and sick germs to come to me. Too many family deaths, too much travel, too much, too much, too much!!!! BAH! I am seriously thinking I am on the verge of insanity. How much more of this can I take? *Sighs* I don't know. I just don't know.

Getting back into the groove

Okay, so now I have been home for two whole days. It's always hard to remember what to do when no one is bothering you every ten minutes, or when the food doesn't come at nine, two, and six o'clock exactly. Also the temptation of being lazy is always following me around. "Don't you want to just lay around? You're just too tired to do anything. Don't you want to just relax for a while?" These are some of the things floating around in my mind. Mostly during the first week I am home. I want to apologize to my fellow bloggers for not posting like I should. I hope that I didn't cause bad grades, and such. I promise to do my best to keep up with this!

Unlucky me!

Have you ever had three weeks worth of hospital food three times a day? Well, if you haven't, you are so lucky! I didn't think I was too sick, but I guess my body knows me better than I do. Doing nothing all day is very tiring. Knowing that my day consists of nurses, food service, housekeeping, and people coming in every ten minutes just makes me look forward to the day! Note the sarcasm in that last statement. I have been in the hospital for almost three weeks, and have not had very much time to do anything that I want. This is the reason that I am late on doing the blog. I really hope this next Tuesday I can go home, and be able to take a nap for an hour without anyone coming in "just checking" on me. Getting better is my number one priority though, and if it takes eating 63 meals for me to feel my best, then that is what needs to be done!