I must wish on a star that never shines...

So, it's been one month and eight days since I was at the doctor last. One month and eight days to start feeling bad again. Ugh. Why is CF so hard?

I hate this.
I hate the disease, I hate that there isn't a cure, I hate how I never know whether I will be feeling good or bad when I wake up in the morning. I hate how I can't go ten minutes without coughing. I hate how I feel like I can't breathe in enough air. I hate it. I hate it with every part of my being.

I just wished I was normal. I wished I could breathe. I wished I wasn't sick. I wish for a lot of things. I guess it's time to call the doctor and tell him to set me up an appointment. I guess it's time to pack my things for yet another hospital stay. I guess I need to prepare for the many needle sticks and pokes I will have to endure for the next two weeks. I guess I need to love up on my puppy as much as I can since I won't be able to see her for two weeks straight. I guess I need mentally memorize the feel of my own bed, the taste of homemade food, and the smell of home.

I get tired of this.

I'm just tired....

Doing pretty good!

Wow, I have just been thinking about how my doctor's appointment went... I thought for sure I was going to go in, but then I get there and I feel great! Why does this happen, I wondered? When I got through with my PFTs, I thought I did okay, but how do you really know if you do good until you get the results?

Some days that I thought I felt great and healthy (so to speak) I ended up in the hospital, while other days I know I felt like poo-poo (and probably looked like it too) that the doc couldn't stop talking about how much improved I was. It is always an unpredictable adventure when I go to the doctor. The only time I for sure knew I was going in the hospital was when I asked to go to the doctor. That is kind of what I want to talk about today...

Results of the Doctors Visit...

First of all, I would like to say a big "Thank you!" to J.R. who made my day when I read his comment! It made me feel good to know that someone cares for me out there! =)

Anyhoo, I went to the doctor yesterday, and thought for sure that I was going into the hospital. Again. Well.... I was wrong. My x-rays looked good, and my results for a test called a "spirometry" showed that my lung function has actually improved since January! They are not where they should be, but they are getting there!

Turns out, the reason I have been feeling yucky is because of allergies, and that is causing my asthma to really act up. So, more meds have been added to my already overflowing list, but hey, if it makes me feel better, I'll take it. I don't have to go back until August, so for the first time in 4 years I can stay home during the summer! Yay! God is good! I am setting a goal for even better lung function numbers in August, so maybe I will reach it!

I am finally out of school, and found out that I had A's and B's. This is after missing a month of school because I was in the hospital! I know I can do things that seem impossible, so... To beating CF, here I come!

Tired, but Thankful...

Today I am so thankful that school is almost over for the summer. It's not that I don't like school, it's just that I know that this summer is going to be crazy! Between hospital stays, job hunting, and just being sick, I kind of dread it. I am thinking about keeping this updated, and sharing with others, but I am not sure.

I am also thinking about everything in my life, and all that I am blessed with, and I am just so happy. No matter how hard I think life is, I still have a wonderful family, and that is something that is becoming more and more rare. I love that my parents let me stay with them, and stay with me when I go into the hospital. They don't have to do either one of those, but that's just the kind of people they are. I love my life right now. No matter how many times I cough, get sick, moan, groan, gripe, or just be plain annoying, they still are there for me. They know how hard my life gets, and they are there with me every step of the way.

Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with so many great things that I don't deserve.

Overwhelmed and Stressed OUT!!!

Oh my gracious. I am so overwhelmed and stressed right now. I feel like I can't get anything together. I am getting more depressed about everything. That is really not good for me, because that just invites viruses and sick germs to come to me. Too many family deaths, too much travel, too much, too much, too much!!!! BAH! I am seriously thinking I am on the verge of insanity. How much more of this can I take? *Sighs* I don't know. I just don't know.

Unlucky me!

Have you ever had three weeks worth of hospital food three times a day? Well, if you haven't, you are so lucky! I didn't think I was too sick, but I guess my body knows me better than I do. Doing nothing all day is very tiring. Knowing that my day consists of nurses, food service, housekeeping, and people coming in every ten minutes just makes me look forward to the day! Note the sarcasm in that last statement. I have been in the hospital for almost three weeks, and have not had very much time to do anything that I want. This is the reason that I am late on doing the blog. I really hope this next Tuesday I can go home, and be able to take a nap for an hour without anyone coming in "just checking" on me. Getting better is my number one priority though, and if it takes eating 63 meals for me to feel my best, then that is what needs to be done!